After several instances of losing her change (balance) due to forgetfulness to bus conductors, Dolapo finally braced up and swore never to take it likely with any bus conductor who ever attempted to delay her change for more than a minute or even join her with another passenger to resolve their change palava. Infact,she started going as far as arranging small denominations in her purse before leaving the house each day so as to avoid being at the mercy of conductors. After several successes, Dolapo at last believes she can shuttle buses and carry out transactions with bus conductors without losing a dime.
Interestingly these days,she goes around claiming mastery of the art of dealing with bus conductors and tells everyone who cares to listen how she manages to achieve her successes. But come to think of it, can anyone ever consistently outsmart bus conductors in Lagos? I doubt. And guess what? My doubt was strengthened yesterday when Dolapo called to inform me that she was stranded in CMS and needed my help. “You don’t mean it”, I mused. “How did that happen? In fact, I will pick you in 10minutes if you will just stand by the Marina axis of CMS Taxi Park”, I told her. Immediately, I changed direction to pick her; not just because I wanted to be of help but also because my ears were itching to hear what must have happened to her.
In exactly 10minutes I was with Dolapo and she started feeding me the gist. Below was our conversation:
Dolapo: Can you imagine that I left the house today with my transport fare clearly arranged per ride as usual so as not to have issues with those crazy bus conductors but, on getting to Iyana-Ipaja, the fare to Oshodi had been increased unreasonably. My brother, this increment altered my transport fare plans so I had to add my next bus fare (Oshodi to CMS) to that of Iyana-Ipaja to Oshodi. Unfortunately for me, on getting to Oshodi, I couldn’t split the 1,000NGN note that I had with me so I decided that I was going to give it to the conductor in the bus from Oshodi to CMS and trusted that I was going to watch him like a hawk till I get my change. As if I knew something was going to happen, I kept disturbing him to give me my change and he kept telling me “madam eni suru” meaning, madam be patient. You won’t believe I was being patient until I alighted from the bus without collecting my change and sadly, that was the only money left with me.
Me: Seriously? But what happened to all your skills in closing down bus conductors na?
Dolapo: My dear, I didn’t even understand again o. One minute the guy was making me feel like I was nagging too much and the other minute, he was comforting while assuring me I will get my change before I alight. Na so e be o, na until I come down before I realize say I don jonse o.
(We both busted into laughter)
Finally, Dolapo has realized that bus conductors in Lagos are not to be believed hook, line and sinker. You must constantly be vigilant else you will forget your change, be dropped at the wrong bus-stop or be cajoled into paying more than once for a particular ride like was the case in the old Nigerian movie Lagos Na Wa. If you must win with bus conductors in Lagos then you must make sure you are never caught sleeping on a bicycle.
Feel free to share with us if you are smarter than Dolapo or if you have lost your change to a conductor in Lagos before.
